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<DIV>Tears of the weeping willow-
Rain falls gently within the forst
see the rhythm of the swaying leaves
a weeping wilow stands alone
hush....listen to voice of the trees
spoken in a surrel harmony
essence of earth is yet to be lost
the magic in the bark still has life
enchantments within have crossed.
to know the ancient prophecies
the near future and far past
tales of old from long ago
from the light and shadows cast
but trees ar keepers of knowledge
of mysteries not to be found
secrets kept safe through the ages
hear them speak, without a sound
so when the rain has fallen,
and painted the universe gray
seek to the weeping willow
to ease the hidden dismay</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
the willow weeps-
the willow weeps,
holding inside all terror,
of the world around.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Devil-
Eyes too deep
too true, too honest
to be the rumor i have heard
-why not truth?-
no, they're never true
-always true-
for even my eyes can see
down deep, way deep
into your soul
-what soul/-</DIV>
<DIV>eyes too deep
too true, too honest
-never been honest-
for you ahve none reason
none at all
for that title
-a devil?-
for i can see
far, far past that
-nothing there-
into that soul of yours</DIV>
<DIV>-eyes ain't deep darling-
-never true, not honest-
why can i see
knowing only one thing
-one too many-
maybe two
-see what I'm saying?-</DIV>
<DIV>eyes so deep so true, so honest
for all you must have done
was stolen cupid's bow and arrow
which has stuck through my heart
and angels must no longer have wings
for in you eyes
is that angel
with those wings and arrowless bow</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>surreality-
a mystic fog drifts across the ground
shrouding land forever more
clouding heart, to this abhor
whilst the moon hangs singing...
singing...
and so this moon,
this cryptic moon
drips honey dew to cover land
this luminescent, gleaming orb
seeps through sould like bright
quicksand
a flare of haunting elegance
in graceful eyes of swan
sweeping past, a glance too brief
hinting death...hinting death...
a dream, an illusion, in mind of ababe
sleeping soudly, stricken soft
whirling wind, sighing softly
singing soft and wistul tune
a cry of anguish screams throught the night
flowing through valleys under moon
slumbering flowers
dying petals
raining in there, raining blood
crimson sheen on all obscene
seeping death, seeping death
seeping ,creeping crawling death
poisoning all touch can take
poisoning with grace and hate
crystalline, rose of glass
crypt of lying, scorching tears
burning, burning, flame within
dancing, drifting, all alas
universal, time serene
crystallized shining screen
godly screen, lovely screen
purifying all obscene
thousans of bushels of grains of sand
miniverses upon the land
nucleus, singles sand
sea on shore of crashing sand.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Loves last vision-
in this patchwork quilt of mirrored reflections
as though in amused mockery of
loves last vision
I see your half smile....</DIV>
<DIV>In the depth of my sorrow
I saw not the bearut of your soul
yet now I see an incandescent ligh
in your eyes....</DIV>
<DIV>Too Late! fragmented, my hopes lie shattered
nothing more than a splintered mirrored relection
of a friendshp which once held so
much promise...</DIV>
<DIV>yet is perhaps symbolic of a myopic relationship
gone now forever, the untruth, the lies
a reason to forgive and forget....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Earthwalker returns-
ther is a song everybody sings every day
in their own melody, in their own way
sometiems it's fun, sometimes it sad
but it walsy relfects the pai thay had
earthwalker live
earthwalker die
earhwaler you'll be wondering why</DIV>
<DIV>the joy you feel won't last long
this you say in the lyrics of yoursad song
your only wish is for you to be dead
that you were never razed, neer bred</DIV>
<DIV>earthwaler love
earthwalker hate
earthwalker hope it's not to late</DIV>
<DIV>when your sadness is gone happiness is there
spreadinghappiness everywhere
no frown opens your face
in perfect love, in [perfect grace
earthwalker laugh
earthwalker play
fothe world in colorful, not gray
earthwalker laugh
earthwalker play
for the world in colorful, not grayno hatrful thoughts, trears shall flow
your hope tto shall brow
everywhere you look happiness ins found
whether in the sky or on the ground</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>pain and anger-
pain, all i have known
anger is all you have shown
on my face drips a single tear
as i discover the depths of my fear
all the thoughts go in my brain
as i try not to go insane
all the grief that you have dealt
made th epain i have felt
i hear a scream from an unseen pain
as all the thing you say go in my brain
insanity is in my mind
as sinity I try to find
my tears did rain
all the while you give me pain</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I am sorry-
I am sorry to anger you so
I am sorry to questionall you do know
I am sorry for the hurtful things I said
I ams sorry fot he tears you shed
I am sorry for the things I have don
I am sorry to think that you are the only one
Are you?</DIV>
<DIV>Are you sorry for hurting me?
are you sorry for not letting me be?
are you sorry for the lying?
are yousorry for me crying?
are you sorry for making fun of me?
are you sorry for not loving me?
I am.</DIV>
<DIV>
blood and bruises-
do you see the blood falling on the floor?
please don't punch me anymore
do you see the tears falling so?
gushing forth from each blow
tears of sorry, tears of dread
you don't listen to all the things i said
you don't seem to hears my screams ofanguish
if you continue hitting me, i soon sahll vanquish
gone from this world i soon sall be
gone from you mother, i shall be free.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>The dark corner
calls to me
even as you are here
it beckons for my company</DIV>
<DIV>the glorios pain
of once before
carries itself into my heart
it beckons for a feast.</DIV>
<DIV>the razor sharp end
of insanity
smiles it's smile
it beckons with arms open</DIV>
<DIV>the beauty of the blood
dripping from the cut
shines it's beauty unto me
it beckons with my last breath.</DIV>
<DIV>the sadness in your soul that creeps
is all that one can bare
it just makes you weep
realizing no ones there</DIV>
<DIV>the earthy realms of my sorrow
just makes me want to die
from one great slice tomorrow
all the time wondering why</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>together-
going
going
gong to the dreary grave year
going
going to see my mother
my mother
my mother, dead and gone
my hateful, ungreaful mother
going to see my love, my mother
gong
going to see her,
I'm going to see
going to see her, right now
going to see
going to see, when i dig her up
dig her up
dig her from the grave
open the coffin, open the coffin
i see her, i see her
i climb in the coffin
i clim in the coffin
climb
climb
getly closing the lid
gently closing the lid
lying
lying
lying with my mother
lying with my love
my mother
my hateful, ungrateful mother
together
together forever
together lying</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>broken doll-
silky hair a sultry smile
perfect skin and legs for miles
makes the perfect doll
that eveyone loves</DIV>
<DIV>but not me
can't you see
i'm the broken doll
that no one wants
knotted hair, crooked grin
torn up skin, round and short i'll never win
im the broken doll
that no one wants
im not pretty to look at i set on the shelf
i try to enjoy life by myself
but as time goes by i hate to be
the broken doll
so i sit here while the other golls go
and wait and hurt but never shot
the part most broken
which is my heart</DIV>
<DIV>how did i get broken im not sure i know
i know that it hurt but i should let it go
and fix myself to look like them
but i will never be them</DIV>
<DIV>i can't change who i am
it would all be a shame
i am the broken doll
that nobody wants</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Earthwalker-
theres'a song behind your eyes
a litany sans verse
the worlds that go unspoken
just make the aching worse</DIV>
<DIV>
it's overture is dreary
its melody is slow
the steps to this sad dance
are ons that most men know</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>your heart seems soft and tender
teh pain you feel seems roff
yet still you yearn to teauch her
and she remains aloof</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>aballof of love rejected
is quiete a sorrowful tale
and yet when all is said and done
all else seems cold and pale</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>with love like the sun
sha danced him around
jumpin and singing
and pounding the ground</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>even as she led
he followed with joy
they reveled in life
it was their greatest toy</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>earhtwalker shine
earhwalker dance
earthwalker play
for life will not last</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>he worshipped her light
her end was his own
grieving for lost life
by screamin was shown</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>words canot express
raw pain like cold tears
longing for lost time
the silence he hears</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>earthwalker see
earthwalker lose
earthwalker cry
for life is not sane</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>nothings forever
for change must come twice
onece for the bad deed
and once for the nice</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>sin not for comfort
sin not for revenge
your dog can see you
can see your dark binge</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>the easement you seek
is not far away
you wil find your love
after life's long journy</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>last breath-
i lay down to sleep
i take a breath and revel
ofr it is my last</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>music is the thing-
a youn man is rejected
by the woman of his dreams
her eyesight drifts behind him
to the captiain of the team</DIV>
<DIV>watching as she walks away
ist's suddeenly so clear to see
the cold, cruil world we live in
is a catalyst of pain</DIV>
<DIV>the messed up turns that ones life takes
is enough to drive one mad
and the only thing that can ease the pain
is the greatest drug ever made</DIV>
<DIV>she alays came to visit
on the first day of the month
and the one day that she could not
was the day is old age struck</DIV>
<DIV>when the hopsital calle dher
delivered the terrible new
her tears flowed forth so quickly
the dog started crying too</DIV>
<DIV>this drug in one thats all round
anywher you look its there
but this one will ber kill your brain
as just pur ssweet melody</DIV>
<DIV>children happly play
all but one , who sits alone
wahtchthe theothers everydya
open bood upon his lap</DIV>
<DIV>his ideas aren't standoard
when she expressed herself
they jeer and say he is wrong
so she avoids conact</DIV>
<DIV>any pain or sorrow
is absorbed by the music
no matter how sad or anry you are
only music gets you so high</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>love poem-
when i am alone i know you are nrear,
and if i call i know you will hear
so beause i have you i need never frear
but being s part is hart to bear
and i must subdue the feeling we share,
keep my face silent a stone mask to wear
for any that knew just who you are
could use that knowledge that world to mar
and so we must live forever afar
but body and spirit don't don't have to stay one
for minds can rove between sun and sun,
and this is how our time is won,
and though tfighting an eless war
beween shadow and light on antother world shore,
if i can help when you rheart is sor
just send me a call and ill come to you
five you my life if you ask me to
give you anthing to help you win thorught</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Release-
he's flying
crying
dying
on the inside</DIV>
<DIV>he's bleeding
needing
what he
could never have</DIV>
<DIV>she's reaching
teaching
trying
defying
just to help him see
what she knows he could be</DIV>
<DIV>she could never help
him
she coudl nevr lift
him
she could never want
him
because he could never let
her
see what he could really be.
It would kill
her
to see
him
so he dies
cries on the inside
cover himself with lies, he decides</DIV>
<DIV>but she will never nownever see
they are not meant to be
together forever. Fleeting is the thing.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>abolish me-
slit my throast with your silver tongue
and let the blood drip without mercy
you're going to do it some day
why not now?
i love you
you hate me
love is ironic in that way
the way that you are imperfect
so, just kill me off right here
don't let me down lightly
abolish me</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>you were won-
you were black all over and I was all white
I remember we did it all night
we were trying real hard to do it
but I can't believe that I blew it
first it was confusing, didn't know what to do
then I saw that space, and moved in front of you
we were bored at first, then we got in the mood
I won't go into details for I will be crude
I remember that nght, were we did it all night
the night played chess and lost the fight</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>trapped-
help I'm trapped inside me
I can't get through, can't get free
my thoughts aren't coming through
it builds up when all of my hate grew
no emotions are showing
because of that confusion is growing
I don't know how I should look at you
so emotions I don't do.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>standing alone together-
I'm over here your over there
and we both don't care
we are standing alone togethter
stay the same forever
weill never change for us
in perfect hate, inperfect trust
we are standing alone, alone togethere
our hate wil never sever
i wish we wwere together
sometimes I meiss you sometimes you miss me
all we want to do is be happy.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>contradiction-
I'm settle and hcaning
free and captive
contradiction at its best
afraid but willing
cruel but living
I'm not like the rest
you can bend me
please don't break me
you can bold me
but don't run
when I fall back into being
just another soul
who yearns
for the fast life
for the slow life
and the short life
or the long
words are pictures
cast iron
peomes written
changed to songs</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>the rose-
the rose is jsut my kind of flower
it represents al the blood from me it did shower
it repesents the curling of my mind
if you look, the pettle to, you'll find
the flower's everything including power
love is also in this flower
something I never had with in you
that hate with the flower also grew
the prick is saying what live doth brings
all this mother nature sings</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>to hell and back-
off with thee
to thell and back
through five and wind
earth and sea
walk the path
you can't see</DIV>
<DIV>none can walk
your path with you
she can reach you
from her own,
he assures
you aren't alone</DIV>
<DIV>no one truly understands
how the worldlooks to another
all we get are glimpsed thoughts
gleamed by watching others</DIV>
<DIV>off with theee
to hell and back
know that all is
not so bad
one stars light
is always had</DIV>
<DIV>though you dread
to face the pain
your heart will force
it on you
tears will flow
and screams burst through</DIV>
<DIV>on one truly understands
the anguish felt by another
all we get are glimpsed thoughts
gleamed by touching aching others</DIV>
<DIV>off with thee
to hell and back
loving, caring
believing
in that you
are seeing</DIV>
<DIV>you know naught
but fragile lies
illusionary
vissions swim
as you seek
to cling to them</DIV>
<DIV>no one truly understands
the meanings of the life they lead
only hope can see us through
that is where we must plant the seed
of truth</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>sometimes when I am alone-
I cry because I am on my own
the tears i cry are bitter and warm
the the flow with life but take no form
I alsoo cry because my heart is torn
I find it hard to carry on, I mourn
If only I had an ear to talk in
then I would cry among my friends
but though who do you know stops long
only to help another carry on?
the world moves fast and it would
rather pass you by
then to stop and what makes youw ant to cry
it's painful and sad and sometimes I cry
and no body knows or cares why</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>earthdance-
the earth drums beat a rhythm
a steady one, tow , three
the earth spirits begin to dance
as the ground shakes
under their feet
the trees start to sway
in time witht he sounds of the earth chimes
the nature spirirts sing
come join the dance with us
the water spirits join the dance
as the waves crash liek the soudn of symbols
in time withthe earths drum beat
the wind spirits poceed to join
the trumpets wil sounthe horns will blow
now on the dance
the band is now complete
and the sprits continue to dance
along witht e harmonic beat
of the earth dance
</DIV>
Be my Valenine?-
Be my Valentine: What does that mean?
Each of us must walk through life alone,
More deeply desolate than we have known,
Yearning for a truth we've never seen.
Valentines are from beyond that dream,
Are like a sunrise on a world of stone.
Little on this journey can we own
Except as miracles might intervene.
No way but through loving might we give
The freedom of our being to another.
In such a sacrifice we hope to live
No longer bound by dreams of flesh and bone,
Even as we bind our lives together.
blessings are taken for granted-
Blessings are the things we take for granted.
Each holiday we notice what we see.
Most know the Earth is utterly enchanted
Yet walk through life and love mechanically.
Valuing one's gifts takes resolution
After days and nights of fantasy.
Love brings the sweet relief of absolution,
Enveloping our hesitance in need.
No touch inspires so swift a revolution,
Transforming all the hieroglyphs we read.
In your love is the charity of spring,
Nor self-obsessed nor blinded by some creed,
Embracing the grey dawns that blessings bring.
A love Poem-
Each day your smile becomes my morning star.
I look at you and then my feelings shine.
From you I learn far more than words or numbers:
You're the book that someday will be mine.
You're the one whose love my love of learning
Will one day trace in its ancestral line.
For all the ways you help me grow towards beauty,
I ask you please to be my Valentine.
a poem on a gift-
Whose gift this is you cannot know.
My heart is in your keeping though.
You will not mind my writing here
To tell you that I love you so.
I know that you must think it queer
For me to love and not come near
But linger by some frozen lake
This most romantic time of year.
another love poem-
I sometimes give my head a shake
And ask if there is some mistake.
It's lonely out here 'mid the sweep
Of bitter wind and icy flake.
My love for you is dark and deep,
But it's a promise I will keep
As from afar I watch and weep,
As from afar I watch and weep.
happy valentines day-
Happiness is not a tended rose
Amid the prescient beauty of a garden:
Perhaps one senses soon some gate may close;
Perhaps one senses soon the earth will harden.
Years come and go like waves upon a shore,
Violent or peaceful with the wind.
After one has given up on more,
Love waits within the heart, its passion thinned.
Even in a passage void of light,
Nether windings black with rage and grief,
There are waters sweet with lost delight
In which one finds a strong, serene belief.
No happiness can overcome life's pain
Except one love, and love give life again.
happy valentine-
Hope is a breeze across an open field.
Anger comes from pounding on a door,
Positive one wants the door to yield.
Perhaps from this one senses something more.
Yearning is a song to wake the dead.
Very few can yearn for what is theirs.
Although love waits half-naked on the bed,
Life can seem a maze of doors and stairs.
Each soul pursues the prey of its desire,
Not knowing that to have must mean to kill.
There is no deed that documents love's fire;
In lovers' hearts, one comes and goes at will.
Need is a wind that strips the landscape bare;
Eventually one turns, and love is there.
I chose death-
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
Please forgive the manner of my leaving.
My love and need for all of you remain.
I could not long such suffering sustain,
Nor would it long have held you from your grieving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
I hope that choice will not my memory stain,
Nor lead you to be wroth at my deceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain.
For only in you do I live again,
Woven like a wind into your weaving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
I put to you the plea of the self-slain:
To comprehend an anguish past conceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain
That all that I have been not be in vain,
But blend into the earth of your believing.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
My love and need for all of you remain.
Why did you do it?-
There's no understanding what you did,
Or why, or what we now should think or do:
No way to see what your last sorrow hid.
What unimaginable agony amid
Our ordinary lives unraveled you?
There's no understanding what you did,
No way for you to tell us why you rid
Yourself of us and family, and . . . who?
No way to see what your last sorrow hid.
Or was it you were just a spoiled kid,
Trying to make us all feel bad for you?
There's no understanding what you did,
Whether mere curiosity had bid
You to sneak ahead a lethal view;
No way to see what your last sorrow hid,
Nor penetrate that awful, granite lid
That lies between our thoughts and what is true.
There's no understanding what you did,
No way to see what your last sorrow hid.
I hate you Mother for what you did-
I hate you, Mother, for what you did
To me when I was just a child,
A helpless thing whom you could beat
Until the excess bile was drained.
To me, when I was just a child,
You were God unmerciful
Until the excess bile was drained
And you were once again my friend.
You were God unmerciful,
And I was Satan, Lord of Hell,
Until you were again my friend
And curdled my last drops of love.
And I was Satan, Lord of Hell,
A helpless thing whom you could beat
Until you curdled all my love.
I hate you, Mother, for what you did.
>
>
crazy love-
> What do you do when your mother is crazy,
> Hysterical, selfish, abusive, and cruel?
> What do you do when really you hate her,
> And it's all you can do to be distantly cool?
> What do you do when you find her repulsive,
> And the best of your memories are tinted with pain?
> And now she is old, and needs to be near you,
> And you cannot stand to be near her again?
>
> How do you tell her the truth when the truth
> Keeps accruing like some insurmountable debt?
> When the horror that haunts you goes back to a moment
> You cannot remember and cannot forget?
>
> What do you do with your love when your love
> Has been buried so long that you can't find its grave?
> When love for a parent lies outside a window
> Through which you imagine how people behave?
>
> What do you do when whatever you do
> Must cost more than the option you failed to choose?
> For whether you turn to embrace or forsake her,
> You're left with a burden you cannot refuse.
>
>
evil has no mercy-
> Evil has no easy explanation.
> Everyone is evil and is good.
> Sometimes we watch ourselves do something evil
> Frozen in a scream that's never heard.
> We cannot stop ourselves, so we go on,
> Knowing somewhere else the horror plays
> And plays and plays until we are forgiven,
> Healed by someone's gift of unearned love.
>
> When someone has been tortured as a child,
> Evil, like a mad dog, crouches near.
> One buries it deep in a vaulted, lead-lined chamber,
> But zombie-like it stalks the world within.
>
> It's strange that darkened children need forgiveness
> For evil that they suffer, innocent.
> But guilt's the trademark of humiliation,
> Burned into the flesh of memory.
>
> Love washes over evil like an ocean,
> Sweeping over seething, fisted anger,
> Drowning it in cold, unquiet depths,
> Leaving you weak and weeping on the strand.
>
> You wouldn't be yourself without the pain
> That twists inside like penitential dancers,
> Making you the stage of some strange beauty,
> Like no one else, the host of our redemption.
life is like a dream-
For most of us life passes like a dream,
Revealing only what is on our minds.
Inside the prison of the self we see
Each object as a shadow on our wall.
Nothingness awaits, as sure as night.
Did I not have you, dear friend, I might,
Shadow on a shade, not be at all.
How much we need a word beyond our sea:
In love and laughter, thoughts of different kinds,
Perhaps, with luck, unraveling a seam
to you my friend-
I do not see you often with my eyes,
But often you are with me in my heart.
We rarely speak, but there are deeper ties
That keep us close while we must be apart.
Friendships don't depend on sights and sounds,
But on the mysteries of need and grace.
You're with me always, unrestrained by bounds,
In some sweet field more permanent than place.
And so your marriage is a widespread glory,
Shining on a world of more than two.
All the characters in your life story
Share the happiness that's come to you.
No love but must with all love intertwine:
The joy between you two is also mine.
what happened to friendship?-
I don't understand what happened to us
Or why you have turned away.
Of course you are free to do as you like,
But first I have something to say.
To me it had seemed we could go on forever,
So close were our hearts, and at ease,
So much did we share, yet the words never faltered,
So I thought as time did as it pleased.
Whatever I did that has made you unhappy,
Or am that is not to your taste,
Or would be were I to return to your graces,
Or won't be if I am replaced:
I want you to know that your friendship is something
I treasure, and would not now end.
If you would be willing to turn to embrace me,
You'd find in me still a good friend.
abused
Although consumed by fury, you still loved us.
At least that is the knowledge of my heart.
Screaming like a child, you would beat us
Until you snapped, and then the tears would start.
"You know I love you," you would cry, demanding
More of us through tears than with your fist.
And we, through tears, would nod our understanding,
Too bullied in our pain to dare resist.
Yet now that you've been dead for many years,
And I have wandered through my own vast hell,
I see the desperate anguish in your tears
And hope at last that I can love you well.
For only in my love can your love be
The love that once, I think, you had for me.
unforgiven crimes-
There are some crimes that cannot be forgiven,
For which no punishment can be enough,
Which should by such harsh sentence be forbidden
That none would dare so damned a fortune touch.
And yet the children still are raped, abused,
Made actors in a nightmare none should see,
Fondled, fettered, forced, defiled, used
By those who cannot help but evil be.
And for such twisted souls no cure is certain.
The debt cannot be paid and left behind.
Freedom brings anew the old temptation,
And all the tightened springs beg to unwind.
All people in their sorrow should be loved,
But some must ever be from us removed.
------------
The pain will never go away;
The wound will never heal.
The evil that was done to you
Is now your eyes, your heart.
The black will never turn to gray;
The blood will not congeal.
The violence is never through;
The past does not depart.
Time will merely make you whole,
Consuming what you are:
Part sufferer, part comforter,
Part victim, part new song;
Part mother of an angry soul,
Part child of despair,
Part witness and part conqueror
Of all that did you wrong.
You told me in a dream you always loved me.
I wept with joy at what with joy you said.
My sadness was not there. It was so lovely.
And with you was my darling, also dead.
The sky was with an early sunrise burning,
Yet still with ample darkness for the moon,
Which held the secret of its youthful yearning
Although it knew that it would vanish soon.
How wonderful, I thought, at last to hear you
Say what I had known but never heard!
Abandoned, I have long longed to be near you
And find my long-lost refuge in a word.
I saw the truth of it within your eyes
And blessed the dream that ends but never dies.
Can't you see? Don't you care
I want to die?
Don't you listen? Can't you hear
My silent cry?
Won't you turn? Can't you hold
Me to your heart?
Are you afraid of what might follow
Once you start?
Would you rather not believe
I'm in such pain
That all your sense and good advice
Must be in vain?
Would you rather tell yourself
I'll be OK,
And all this adolescent angst
Will go away?
Ah! Would I also swim across
This lake alone!
But if you cannot swim with me,
I know I'll drown.
Do we know-
do we now
where things are to grow
do we have
what we need to?
do we follow our feelings
or by others wantings
are we pushed
or did we do what we wanted?
but right now I am going with the flow
whoever leads
the other will follow
right now the feeling is mutual
down the line
tis all a mystery
will you take my hand
and see what will become?
will you be there
when all is dark
or will you leave
as i stay alone and cry?
to site alone, to cry alone
that is the worry, that is the shame
to be alone, to cut in the dark
that is the joy, that is the love
the joy is you, the love is you
the worry and shame si gone
oh baby please don't leave me falling
falling in the dark abyss!
stay with my heart and hold my hand
lay with me at tnight and kiss me gently
forever and always my heart my love
mi amor, mi carazon
Evil has no easy explanation.
Everyone is evil and is good.
Sometimes we watch ourselves do something evil
Frozen in a scream that's never heard.
We cannot stop ourselves, so we go on,
Knowing somewhere else the horror plays
And plays and plays until we are forgiven,
Healed by someone's gift of unearned love.
When someone has been tortured as a child,
Evil, like a mad dog, crouches near.
One buries it deep in a vaulted, lead-lined chamber,
But zombie-like it stalks the world within.
It's strange that darkened children need forgiveness
For evil that they suffer, innocent.
But guilt's the trademark of humiliation,
Burned into the flesh of memory.
Love washes over evil like an ocean,
Sweeping over seething, fisted anger,
Drowning it in cold, unquiet depths,
Leaving you weak and weeping on the strand.
You wouldn't be yourself without the pain
That twists inside like penitential dancers,
Making you the stage of some strange beauty,
Like no one else, the host of our redemption.
I hate you, Dad, for what you did
To me when I was just a child,
A helpless thing whom you could beat
Until the excess bile was drained.
To me, when I was just a child,
You were God unmerciful
Until the excess bile was drained
And you were once again my friend.
You were God unmerciful,
And I was Satan, Lord of Hell,
Until you were again my friend
And curdled my last drops of love.
And I was Satan, Lord of Hell,
A helpless thing whom you could beat
Until you curdled all my love.
I hate you, Dad, for what you did.
It wasn't over when you died,
When I was still too young to know
The damage that you did inside,
The pain that I would undergo.
When I was still too young to know,
You did to me what things you would.
The pain that I would undergo
Came later, once I understood.
You did to me what things you would
While I lay numb and still. The hate
Came later, once I understood
The sorrow that you came to sate.
While I lay numb and still, the hate
Arose in you as love, as need.
The sorrow that you came to sate
Then passed between us in your seed.
Arose in you as love, as need
To undergo yourself in me,
Then passed between us in your seed,
Became your lasting legacy.
To undergo yourself in me,
The damage that you did inside
Became your lasting legacy.
It wasn't over when you died.
Memories of life at home
Rarely reach the sea.
Beneath the bare swept surface muck
Lie dreams that turn us cold.
The best that we can do is try
To savor what is served,
Love the lust of a sinking sun
And make much of precision.
The pain will never go away;
The wound will never heal.
The evil that was done to you
Is now your eyes, your heart.
The black will never turn to gray;
The blood will not congeal.
The violence is never through;
The past does not depart.
Time will merely make you whole,
Consuming what you are:
Part sufferer, part comforter,
Part victim, part new song;
Part mother of an angry soul,
Part child of despair,
Part witness and part conqueror
Of all that did you wrong.
There are some crimes that cannot be forgiven,
For which no punishment can be enough,
Which should by such harsh sentence be forbidden
That none would dare so damned a fortune touch.
And yet the children still are raped, abused,
Made actors in a nightmare none should see,
Fondled, fettered, forced, defiled, used
By those who cannot help but evil be.
And for such twisted souls no cure is certain.
The debt cannot be paid and left behind.
Freedom brings anew the old temptation,
And all the tightened springs beg to unwind.
All people in their sorrow should be loved,
But some must ever be from us removed.
What do you do when your mother is crazy,
Hysterical, selfish, abusive, and cruel?
What do you do when really you hate her,
And it's all you can do to be distantly cool?
What do you do when you find her repulsive,
And the best of your memories are tinted with pain?
And now she is old, and needs to be near you,
And you cannot stand to be near her again?
How do you tell her the truth when the truth
Keeps accruing like some insurmountable debt?
When the horror that haunts you goes back to a moment
You cannot remember and cannot forget?
What do you do with your love when your love
Has been buried so long that you can't find its grave?
When love for a parent lies outside a window
Through which you imagine how people behave?
What do you do when whatever you do
Must cost more than the option you failed to choose?
For whether you turn to embrace or forsake her,
You're left with a burden you cannot refuse.
You told me in a dream you always loved me.
I wept with joy at what with joy you said.
My sadness was not there. It was so lovely.
And with you was my darling, also dead.
The sky was with an early sunrise burning,
Yet still with ample darkness for the moon,
Which held the secret of its youthful yearning
Although it knew that it would vanish soon.
How wonderful, I thought, at last to hear you
Say what I had known but never heard!
Abandoned, I have long longed to be near you
And find my long-lost refuge in a word.
I saw the truth of it within your eyes
And blessed the dream that ends but never dies
Can't you see? Don't you care
I want to die?
Don't you listen? Can't you hear
My silent cry?
Won't you turn? Can't you hold
Me to your heart?
Are you afraid of what might follow
Once you start?
Would you rather not believe
I'm in such pain
That all your sense and good advice
Must be in vain?
Would you rather tell yourself
I'll be OK,
And all this adolescent angst
Will go away?
Ah! Would I also swim across
This lake alone!
But if you cannot swim with me,
I know I'll drown.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
Please forgive the manner of my leaving.
My love and need for all of you remain.
I could not long such suffering sustain,
Nor would it long have held you from your grieving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
I hope that choice will not my memory stain,
Nor lead you to be wroth at my deceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain.
For only in you do I live again,
Woven like a wind into your weaving.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
I put to you the plea of the self-slain:
To comprehend an anguish past conceiving.
My love and need for all of you remain
That all that I have been not be in vain,
But blend into the earth of your believing.
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,
My love and need for all of you remain.
Poems made in jail-
unquiet grave-
so cold the winters winds do blow
and down fell drops of rain
i have yet one true love
in his house he was slain
ill say as much for my true love
as any yong man could say
i'll sit and ill weep on his cold grave
for a year and a day
when the year and day was up
his ghost began to weep
why do you sit here on my grave
and will nt let me sleep
theres on thing more that i do want
and that i do so crave
and thats to kiss you ghostly white lips
and i will go from your grave
my lips they are so cold as clay
my breeath smells havey ans strong
and if you kiss my white lips
your livfe will not be long
down in the garen of rose and green
where my true love and i did walk
the finest flower that was seen
is withered unto the stalk
the stalk is withered unto the root
and the root into the ground
thats why i moarn for the loss of my love
when hes not here to be found.
afraid of the night-
like the child waiting in the night
for warm hands and arms to wrap
themselves around his lonliness
to spend hinmself in tears of dudden safety
and of love
i too in the dark aloneness of selfunlove
unanchored,abandoned, and denced
still summon with silen child cries
the ancient hope
the old sure magick of wantedness
the child still lives with me
witht eh eager heart of innocense
and petrayed that painful pure day
to sense the rescue
now there is more
but driven by old dreams, pale yet powerfull
rembranced os the touch of love
i wait
one waits on always waits
it is forgotten that noneless need
the years have been beeten from my beaten heart
but like some shape of primeive fear
it beckons crowds my personality
blunt stuff reasons
i am gort3esqucally, helpless waiting
my mind turning inward, backward
dull to is pain with youn memoried that weakena ddefy
subming then die
d do not love
i wait in such unhope
i wait
oh wow now
i've done it
i've made a mess
i feel a fool
i feelobsessed
when we get to a good part
will i have omething to wear?
i know my hearts in the right place
cause i hid it there
i act so much like myself
it's a little unreal
it's a lot of work
it's no big deal
my hearts in the the right place
ticking away inside my torso
i'm just like other folks
only that much more so
i remind myself
of soemone i've never met
of some one it'd like to meet
of someon i can't forget
i'm not insane
but i'm halfway there
you can tell from the smoke
rising from my molten hair
follow me down insight road
and i'll show you the sight along the way
i'm a flash ooand the world is my pan
have a nice day
the world as we knowis is not what it seems
there is no laughter just silent screams
there is no mercy there is no love
some times i think thate is no god above
i cut myself, loose my grip
drippity, drippity droppity drip
seeing the blood drip below me
slowely formiing a pddle, now the red sea
int eh bloddy reflection i see the pain theat was bestowed
and feeling the warm tears that so easily flowed
tears of sorrow tears of dread
you never listened to a thing i said
on the ouside i formed a smiling maskhiding from pain
frommy soul that was painly slain
its just hinting death hinting death
creeping, crawlin silent death
why does that wrold want me gone
this i ask in my sad song
ina painful world that would be bliss
all i want is this
death that does part
i wish i knew this art
can i live? can i die
i just now ask why
why won't i die?
mother is god in a child eyes
but what do you do when that god is satn?
when day by day you are in compled darkness
an you hope to feel an end to that pain
when nobody williste and nobody cares
and they still love that god above?
what can you do? what do you do
go inside that dark head and and leave everyone
just sid and sit and stae and stare
the darknes never goes away
all through your life you have anly you
nobody else because nobdy cared
if they see they don't tell
the teacher, counseloer and stangers alike
but when they do find out
do they still like god?
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